As y'all know we have been preparing to move across the pacific back to Washington. Up until recently I have been over the moon excited about going back to my home state, but as the weeks have drawn closer reality has set in a little more of what I will be leaving behind.
We have been slowly working on the end of a bucket list I created for my husband's deployment and along with our spontaneous sunset beach trips we have had some wicked awesome fun.I have also enjoyed getting in some more girl time with my friends. During all of these though there was a small twinge of sadness to them. I have been, of course in complete denial about it, because it still didn't feel 'real' yet.
It wasn't until I was getting ready to leave my daughter's last check up appointment, a week ago, that it hit me like a ton of bricks. 'I'm leaving. I'm leaving and I may never come back.' I nearly cried when we had to leave and it had nothing to do with poor loo getting a shot! The girls' pediatrician is the best in the clinic and has always gone above and beyond to take care of the girls. Before he left he gave Ames one final check up too and made sure to let me know that I could call his office if I needed anything and he would call me the same day. That right there is when I about lost it. He is the most sought after and busy pediatrician in the clinic and yet he always makes time for us if we call with a question or concern. How am I suppose to find another doctor like that for them?!
From there it was like the flood gates where open. Normally I am just excited to get the next place and explore all that it has to offer, but this time it is different. This time I have kids and we put down deeps roots unlike every other place we've lived.
All I could think about as the movers were doing their thing was 'this is the only home my girls have ever known and now it's gone' and I was heartbroken. I know they will be fine and we will push on, but for that moment I realized how big of deal in someone's life moving is.I have moved so much in my life it's become the natural order of things. I mean the longest I have ever lived in one place was seven years when I was a kid.
Kingston, our freakin' fantabulous mover, caught me staring forlornly at the emptiness of the house and asked if I was okay. (he was so sweet and considerate!). I could not get over how sad my house looked with everything gone. If it were any other move I would have detached myself already and moved on, but my babies took their first steps on those floors, had their first birthdays in that dinning room, experienced their first holidays in that office and play dates with their friends. I couldn't even think about all the times I spent there with my friends or the tears really would start flowing. That is one good bye I am not looking forward to.
I finally understand now why people don't move unless they absolutely have too. The ache I feel, the loss that is burning in my chest is something I will never forget. My girls' will forget it eventually, once they get their new room in our new house, but I will never forget those walls and the memories made there. Even if my memories start to fade, I took so many pictures in that place I could probably reconstructed it out of 4x6 prints!
Now we are confined to a hotel room spending our last few days on the island trying to make the most of our time together and those that mean the most to us. Everywhere I turn I see something that has special significance for us and feel compelled to touch it and commit it to memory, then take a picture of it just in case I can't keep everything in my head. (I swear I have the worst memory ever!)
I know that Washington is beautiful and has lots of amazingness to offer and I can't wait to get there, but with only a few days to go the fear has began to set in. Only God knows what lies in store for us. I just pray that I have the strength and the patience to take on whatever is ahead of us!
Oh heavens I don't want to say good bye.....